lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
