remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cannot find my penis.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
