I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
