Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize