I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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