I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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