and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
