note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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