Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
