Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
