note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
