and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
