Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
NoShamevember. You game?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
