i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
