She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
