Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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