do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize