there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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