it wasn't lemon gatorade
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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