He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
