If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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