If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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