even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
