but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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