went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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