Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
