She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
