You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
