I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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