everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
In America we eat man semen.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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