I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
