I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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