i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
