yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
