my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
