You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
