There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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