everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
