I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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