Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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