dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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