it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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