hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
