can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My balls are so social today.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
