i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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