it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
