I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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