Tell her she can't have a vagina
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
