I wanna bring you to show and tell
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just want nice things and good sex
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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