You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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