i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
