I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
