Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
