I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
