I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
