idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
