okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize