My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
