she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize