he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
