Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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