im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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