How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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