he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
