The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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