I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
