When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
