Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
